Eternity Will Never Be Enough - Chapter Seven

William:

It takes me a few minutes of my lips being pressed against Delaney’s ear before I’ve calmed her down enough that she stops shaking. Even though I stopped listening to her, I can still feel the hot air leaving her lips as she whispers words I can only assume to be “I’m sorry”, over and over again. My arms hold her tightly, even after she’s done shaking and is limp against my chest. I don’t know what she’s thinking, if she’s thinking anything at all, because no matter how many times I’ve asked. And believe me, over the last three weeks I’ve done nothing but ask. These episodes, I guess you’d call them, are getting more and more frequent. More and more severe. And even though I try to constantly watch over her, I can’t, and that’s the reason why there’s countless cuts lining her forearms.

I look up at the two in front of us, Braydon and Rylee, and they both look horrified. I’ve known them both for years, a total that rivals how long I’ve known Kate and Alexis. They’re in a band together, one that’s on my label. Braydon’s looking down at Rylee, his jet-black hair falling in his eyes as his hands grip Rylee’s hips. He’s holding him so tight that his knuckles are white, but Rylee doesn’t even seem to notice. I look at Rylee, whose lips are pulled downward and eyes are baring into me. I’m not quite sure what he wants more, to get Delaney out of my arms or to beat the shit out of me for letting this happen to her in the first place. But then, Delaney looks up at him with her small, reassuring smile, and it’s gone. This little thing, the way he smiles when she looks at him, is enough to make my stomach twist into knots. I glance down, burying my face into Delaney’s hair and try to get rid of the urge to rip Rylee’s throat out.

I didn’t always hate Rylee, you know. He used to be one of my best friends. And really, he still is. It’s just for the fact that about a year ago, he decided to date Delaney. It was during one of those brief tours that Delaney accompanied me on. One where Rebecca and I weren’t dating, and Delaney and I were. I’m not entirely sure what happened as to why Delaney and I were fighting, but Rylee took that to his advantage, luring Delaney into being his girlfriend when he was still dating Braydon. The whole relationship only lasted a few days, but it was enough to break both the hearts of me and Braydon. I feel so bad for Braydon, who dedicates his entire life to Rylee. His entire existence, really. But Rylee can never seem to keep his eyes from wandering and his hands off other girls. I don’t know why Braydon puts up with it, really. Rylee’s cheated more times than either of us can count.

I hear footsteps coming closer, and I look up just in time for Rylee’s hands to come down on Delaney’s arms. He says her name softly, rubbing her skin. Even though I wish she wouldn’t, I can feel Delaney relax a little bit. I look at Rylee and he’s on his knees in front of her, and while he pretends to be looking directly at her face, his eyes are on me. I instinctively pull Delaney tighter against my chest, as if I could erase the boundary where I end and she begins, and then he wouldn’t be able to touch her anymore. His eyes narrow just slightly. A growl escapes from my lips before I can stop it. Delaney jerks out of my grip, turning to face me.

“What was that?” She whispers, getting up and moving a couple feet away from me. I get to my feet shakily, looking at her. I don’t answer her, just go up and wrap my arms around her tiny body. For a moment, she buries her face into my chest.

“Nothing,” I say calmly, but her hands find my chest and push me back. Stunned, I let go of her. Given that my memory hasn’t completely failed me, I don’t think she’s ever pushed me away. I take one look at her and see the way she’s trembling, the way her eyes are frantic. I step towards her again, but Rylee steps in between us.

“What the hell did you do?” He snaps, pulling her into his arms. I can’t respond, I only watch as she wraps her arms around him, hiding her face in his chest. She turns her back to me, and I watch as her chest goes up and down, signalling the deep breaths she’s taking to try and calm herself down.

“I… don’t… know…?” I say, biting into my bottom lip so hard that it bleeds. I take the sleeve of my hoodie and press it against my lip, but all I can taste is the rusty, salt-flavored taste of my blood. Rylee rolls his eyes a little, winking at me before planting a kiss on the top of Delaney’s head.

“It’s alright honey,” He whispers, rubbing her back in the way that I should be doing. I should be the one comforting her, holding her like that. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to let him hurt you…” I gulp. Hurt her? What is he talking about? I’ve never laid a finger on Delaney, nor will I ever. If anyone should be saying that, it should be the other way around. I’ve seen the way Rylee’s anger gets out of control, and I was there the night his dad died and he broke his hands because he couldn’t control himself. I saw the way Rylee leaned his forehead against that brick wall, blood dripping down his hands. And quite honestly, I don’t trust him with Delaney. She’s small, and fragile, and even though he’s holding her as gently as I would right now, I know how easily that could change.

“Lane,” I murmur, holding my arms out. “Laney baby, come here?” She barely peaks over her shoulder at me. She doesn’t move, and I swear I see her arms tighten around Rylee.

“No,” She says slowly, and then looks up at Rylee pleadingly. Rylee’s hand lands on her hip, on a patch of skin exposed by a shirt that is just a little bit too small on her. A spot that only I should be touching. But Delaney closes her eyes and she looks so comfortable there. He knows it, too, because he’s looking directly and he’s smirking. I knew he hated me, and I knew he’s in love with her or whatever, but I never thought he’d take advantage of her when she’s not well. And it’s not like Rylee doesn’t know. He’s stayed at my house for two days now, so he’s heard the way Delaney’s screams wake everyone up. He’s rushed into my bedroom in the middle of the night to see Delaney violently shaking, a razor blade positioned on her wrist. He knows that she hasn’t been able to sleep, instead opting for coffee to maintain her body. He, of all people, should know all these things.

Rylee’s lips come down on her cheek, and he lets them linger there a moment longer than necessary. “Lane,” His eyes catch mine for a split second before he looks back down to her. Lane. Lane. That’s my nickname to her, not his. For as long as I could remember, Delaney would correct anyone who called her ‘Lane’, with the exception of me. But standing here, listening to him call her that and her not correcting him, but instead smiling makes me feel so wrong. So much less genuine. My brain tells me to go into the bedroom and hide under the covers and stay there for a really long time, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’s getting to me. “Lane, baby, why don’t you go into the bedroom and get some clothes?” It’s devastating when she nods, slipping out of Rylee’s arms and starting towards me. I try desperately to catch her eye, but she’s staring at the ground, focused only on getting to the bedroom. 

“Delaney,” I whisper pleadingly, holding my arm out to her. She doesn’t respond, so I reach out and grab her arm. Not enough to stop her. She yanks her arm away, not even looking up at me. I squeeze my eyes shut. “Lane,” I choke out. It occurs to me that we’re reversing roles of a day almost a month ago. Wasn’t this exactly what she did to me? Beg and plead for me to stay, only to have me turn her away without so much as a glance? The black hole in my stomach that is threatening to swallow me whole roars again. “Please,” I mumble, reaching again for her. This time actually grabbing her arm. As my fingers enclose around the thin wrist of her left hand, she raises her right hand and digs her fingernails into my skin. I yelp, jerking my hand back. She pushes past me without so much as a word, and I can practically see Rylee, even though I haven’t turned towards him.

“Let go of me,” She whispers, disappearing into the bedroom. I follow her, slipping out of Rylee’s reach easily as he tries to stop me. I sit down on the edge of the bed, next to the duffle bag she’s got sitting on her side of the bed. She’s stuffing it full of her clothes. I watch her stuff her Nirvana t-shirts, dark jeans, and Vans into the bag. She shoves a couple of my own shirts into her bag, and I’m not sure whether she means to or not. I don’t say a word, and neither does she.

“Don’t go,” I whisper, biting my bottom lip again. This time, when it bleeds, I don’t try to stop it. Instead, I lick the blood off my lips, using it’s taste to distract me from what’s going on in front of me. “Please Delaney, I’m so sorry,” And while this is true, I am sorry for upsetting her, I still don’t know exactly what it is that I’m apologizing for. I scan through my memories and I don’t really understand what I did that could have upset her so bad. I stand up for a moment, and she turns towards me.

“Will, you’re in my way,” She whispers. But I don’t move from my spot in between her and her bag. She grabs a hold of my arms, trying to shove me out of the way, but I stay firmly in my spot. She’s shaking as her hands slip from me. My hand comes up to gently touch her face, my palm cupping her cheek. She blinks back tears, trying to turn her head away from me. I’m barely touching her, and it occurs to me that she could get away if she really wanted to, but she doesn’t even try. Her left hand fumbles with the silver band on her right hand, fingers running over the dragonfly of our promise ring. She pushes the ring into my palm, and there’s fresh tears pouring down her cheeks and being caught on my fingers.

I clutch the ring tight in my hand. “No,” I whisper, and she’s stepping away from me. She’s out of my reach before I can do anything about it, going to her side of the bed and getting the contents of her nightstand. All I can do is stare down at the glistening silver in my hand. A dragonfly. A dragonfly because when we were young and she would come over to my house on late summer nights, we would walk down the road to the playground. She’d spend hours trying to catch fireflies, but that week in summer school we’d learned about dragonflies, and I’d decided that I liked them better than fireflies even if they didn’t light up. Staring down at the ring as I sit on the edge of my bed, I’m thinking about how she probably doesn’t even remember that story, she probably doesn’t even remember that happening.

She starts to pick up the bag and I grab for her. I grab her by the hips and pull her tight against my chest. Her brown eyes catch mine. “Will, what are you doing?” She asks as quietly as she can. She doesn’t try to get away. She doesn’t do anything except stare right into my eyes. It makes me think of when we were in Kindergarten and got married on the playground with our Ring Pops. Or when we were in first grade and we’d lay in the concrete tunnels when it was raining, and I’d hold her and keep her safe. My hand comes up to her hair, smoothing it back so it’s not falling, messy, into her face

“Don’t go,” I repeat, grabbing her hand and trying to slip the ring back onto her finger. She clenches her hand into a fist and pushes me back again. I reach out and grab her hand, but she leaves it limp against mine. “I love you.”

“Stop it, Will,” She mumbles, ignoring me altogether. She pushes past me, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She barely looks at me, turning her back to me and walking back out the door to the living room. Although it’s getting increasingly difficult by the second, I ignore the pulsing urge to crawl under my covers and cry. I can’t, I won’t, give Rylee the satisfaction of knowing he’d won. I grab the ring, which I’d dropped on the floor by my feet, and hold it in my palm, my fingers clenched tight around it, then walk out to the living room.

Rylee sees the look on my face and smirks. I can’t believe he could possibly be such an asshole to me, to her. He’s taking advantage of her. I should stop him but I don’t know how, because Delaney doesn’t want to stay here. I shut my eyes and think of how many times in the last couple of weeks she’s slipped inside of herself and that I’m the only thing that seems to be pulling her out of them. She’s getting worse, she’s gone for longer each time these days, and it hurts to think about what’s going to happen to her when I’m not there to help her. Delaney barely looks at me as she steps into his arms. He takes her bag and slips it over his shoulder, his smile wicked and focused on me.

“Will,” She murmurs, and I can feel my shoulders start to shake as I’m trying to control the tears that are threatening to come. “I’m sorry,” She says this, but I can’t bring myself to believe her. I find myself looking at the ring in my hands instead of her face. My promise ring, my promise that I’d never leave her again. That I’d never break her heart. I never thought that this time around, it’d be her doing the breaking. I can barely breathe, but I somehow manage to keep my breath steady and even. I watch as she tries to reach out to me, but Rylee’s pulling her away from me, trying to steer her out of the room before I can say a word. I close my eyes, another growl escaping my lips.

“Braydon,” He says, his voice almost cruel. Braydon looks up immediately. “Are you coming, Braydon?” Rylee’s voice is impatient, coming out as more of an order than a question. I watch as Delaney shivers at his tone, and I can’t help but wonder what she’s thinking. I let my eyes flick towards Braydon, standing in the corner and looking increasingly nervous. As petty as it is to admit, every bit of me wants to hurt Rylee as much as he’s hurting me right now. I take a few steps back so I’m standing next to Braydon. Never before have I wanted him to stay here quite as much as I do right now. I let my fingers, slow and nervous, drift across Braydon’s hip. Two can play this game.

Anger flashes across Rylee’s face and I can see the way his hand tightens on Delaney. She winces immediately, and I swear that if he hurts her I will kill him. Rylee and I do nothing more than stand there staring at each other, like those elementary school staring contests that I was never good at because if they so much as smiled, I’d blink. But there’s a difference between those contests and this: I will win this time. And I will hurt Rylee, for every time he’s hurt me, in the process.